Bad at Being Just as Confused as You Are
It always arises quietly. A gentle, soft whisper of truth;
"I have no idea what the hell I'm doing."
My mind recognizing the totality of what it doesn't know and cannot control can be terrifying. Each and every time it happens. The truth may set us free, but it's often preceded by an open palmed smack of humility.
For years my reaction to this was the compulsive need to do something, anything to regain the feeling I had my proverbial shit together. Another job, another cleanse, another chatarunga, another over opinionated fb post. Like many, I mistook confusion for weakness and control for strength and suffered for it. This isn't something I've overcome. I work with it daily to varying degrees of success.
To tie this post up in a pretty sutra bow is tempting, but that would negate the point. I think we yoga folks are sometimes too quick to gloss over our vulnerably with teachings. It bypasses our humanity. Take it from a recovering Advaita Vedantist- it's easy for transcendence to become just another form of control. So, for your benefit and mine I'm not going to attempt to write anything wise at all. Instead I'll simply say that we are all, whether we want to admit it or not, winging it. Personally, I always find that comforting.